One week to go!  Pictured above are my wedding planning mantras!  This time next week we should be just about lining up the bridal party for the processional... Well, I am still breathing after one crazy week.  Last weekend we helped Alex and Aya move a couch, table and a bed into their apartment.... plus a few of their lovely wedding gifts.  Alex started orientation classes at Emory on Monday.  About the same time they discovered their apartment unit has a flea infestation.  Are you kidding me?!?!  Poor Aya got the worst of it:  swollen ankles, nasty bites, itching and not sleeping at night.    Wedding details took a backseat to more important issues like dealing with the apartment management,  scheduling fumigation and considering all options.  Alex and Aya moved back to our house (after  first setting off bug bombs and cooking their bags in the trunk of the car before being allowed into the house) Sorry kids but we couldn't risk it.

Meanwhile, a few days ago Mochi the family dog decided to throw up in several places in the house, of course on the carpet.  Really Mochi?  Turns out she attacked some exotic prey (otherwise known as my ostrich feather duster).  Feathers all over my deck.  Why was the feather duster on the deck you ask?  Because all the items in my laundry room were moved so I could maneuver behind my washing machine to try to diagnose why it was leaking.  My twenty-year old washer has chosen this time to start pitching fits.  Water all over the floor....of course with company coming...and Chandler arriving home with all her stuff after a year abroad!

Seems like everybody has a story like this...perhaps just something else to be factored into the hustle,  bustle and general chaos one finds oneself in when the wedding is a week away!  I am looking forward to eating cake and celebrating!!

Wedding in Reverse

          Just two weeks to go.  It was February, a little less than six months ago, when I found myself about to produce a play otherwise known as Alex and Aya's wedding.  You know those wedding planning guidelines with timeframes?  Well,  that got thrown out the window when I, as mother-of-the-groom, took on the role of sole wedding planner.  Due to international logistics and various circumstances this wedding couldn't be planned in the most conventional way.  So I just worked in reverse.
February:  Venues visited and one chosen.  check
                  Bridesmaid dresses ordered on line and mailed to Okinawa.    check
                  Florist confirmed.  check
                  DJ  interviewed.  check

March/April:  Photographer booked.  check
                       Invitations ordered.  check
                       One bridesmaid dress returned from Okinawa to be returned
                       to Lord&Taylor.
                       Guess what? Someone in shipping and handling forgot to remove        
                       the plastic security tag on the dress!
                        And, Lord& Taylor no longer had that particular dress anymore,
                       so had to order it from Nordstrom's.
                     
May:  groom arrives in the US.    check
          groom grinds his teeth anticipating his fiancee's visa to come through.

June:  invitations addressed and sent out.  check
          June 25th:  bride arrives in the US.  (Yay! her permanent visa has been approved)!   
          June 26th:  bride goes shopping for her wedding dress

July:  continued maintenance on the guest list RSVPs...  
          ...wedding gown alterations completed... wedding shoe shopping creates
          a challenge:  the bride wears a size 5 shoe.  Choices are limited.
         At one point we had four different pairs of shoes as she tried to find
         the perfect fit.  Why, you ask, couldn't Aya just get a pair of white shoes
         in Japan in her size before she came over?  Most Japanese weddings
         have rented dresses and shoes
          .....so finding white/dressy-wedding-appropriate shoes in her size is
         as elusive as looking for  Cinderella's glass slipper.

Now, where did that month go....

..... a hundred and eleven things to do every day.  Doesn't matter if I had a year or longer to plan a wedding, now it's down to the party-planning finish line and my things-to-do-must-complete list reproduces overnight.    
I have every wedding vendor's phone number on speed dial.  Next week one bridesmaid returns home after a year in Tokyo.  Five days later the other two bridesmaids arrive from Okinawa just in time to make rehearsal and of course the wedding day!
                                        .... remaining calm....                                                            

On Track

Mothers and Sons, on the Same Track (Dominique Browning, NYTimes June 2011)

Last year I came across this article and it has resonated with me ever since.  You can read the full article here:

http://travel.nytimes.com/2011/06/05/travel/dominique-browning-on-a-train-trip-with-her-two-grown-sons.html?pagewanted=all

    Like the author, I also have two sons of similar age; my oldest also named Alex!  When I read this article I was envious of the time Ms. Browning had to spend time with her adult boys.  Wouldn't I love to do that, too.  Then, just  such a chance came my way when my husband and I were given an opportunity at Christmas to fly to Japan to be with our sons (and daughter).  It was one of our most memorable experiences--we felt like we had won the lottery.  In our case, a single train trip wasn't a particular focus;  our train and subway travel was predominantly a means to get somewhere else.  However, the sentiments shared with the newspaper article weren't lost on me.  I relished every minute we had to spend with "the kids."  
 
   Some of Ms. Browning's passages  nailed those sentiments perfectly:  "The entry into adult childhood, with its complex alchemy of separation and attachment, is as fraught a time as the baby end of childhood.  More so, for the parent, anyway.  When he is 5, a child has no choice to be with you.  When he is 25, he is with you only by choice.  As most of us don't want to lose touch with our kids just when they become truly interesting people, we have to figure out how to navigate that perilous, post-adolescent territory.    Do interesting things together.  Do anything together".  and, "they will never be 8 years old again.  Nor do you want them to be.  Not really.  Just a bit."   




Truly  my husband and I relish every chance  to spend time with the kids, as our children become more independent and distant (in both the literal and figurative sense) from their parents.  We do what it takes.  How about the time we drove up and back from Atlanta to Washington, D.C. over a weekend to watch one son play in a lacrosse game (not to mention the actual time we were able to spend with him totaled about an hour).  Now, our oldest son is engaged to be married in a few months, and we find ourselves planning most of his wedding.  (I'll save that for another blog).

 It makes me reflect on the end of Ms.  Browning's article:    "we left that train as a new and different family.  All of us were more grown up somehow in the blink of an eye.   Everything ends too fast.  Childhood is just the beginning."

Gratitude in Spades

Did you ever think about how many people and events touch your life? How about all the good deeds of others that do not seem to be noticed?

Seeing as how I am terrible at New Year's Resolutions - don't care about them and rarely make or keep them, I decided this year to resolve to be more grateful for all that makes up my life. Now, I wake up every day and thank God for my many blessings but I knew there had to be another way to be more mindful of the good things.

So I made a pledge to myself that as many days as I could I would let someone who had touched my life know about it. What fun I have had! I have written about 5 letters or cards a week since New Year's...to young folks getting their Eagle Scout badge, to neighbors who are doing marvellous things in the lives of others, to my first grade teacher, to the lady who kept my children when they were little, to the mother of my deceased best childhood friend, to people I come in contact with through my work, to my children. The responses I have received have been utterly amazing.

People seem shocked that I would write a handwritten letter (how I miss the days of opening my mailbox and finding a letter from someone that I could not wait to open!) and they are so full of their own gratitude that I took the time to notice them or remember them. The positive contacts have been astounding to me and as oftens happens, my small efforts have actually rewarded ME. That was never my intention but the joy others appear to have gotten from hearing what they have brought to MY life is like a boomerang or a ball bouncing back into your lap.

No, you cannot go back but you can keep the chain of all good things that you have been blessed with going forever.

That Look in the Mirror

I loved this article in the Feb '12 issue of More magazine...
"How to Let Go of Wanting to Look Young" by Emily Listfield, who featured Vivian Diller, Phd., the author of  Face It: What Women Really Feel as Their Looks Change.   I'd like to think that I'm not vain, but I am only human.  
A few choice bits from the article include:   There's an uh-oh moment in every woman's life, whether at the first gray hair or the first fine line, when we realize that the first blush of youth is gone... 
*Why are the most confident women--even those who never cared much about their appearance--thrown when they start to see changes in their looks?  We have an attachment to the image we see in the mirror, and barring illness or major weight fluctuations, that image remains much the same in your twenties and thirties.
     
Who doesn't want to look in the mirror and see Snow White instead of being shocked when the Evil Queen stares back?   It would seem that I'm really hung up about aging.   I want to believe that I'm not.
I confess that my son's upcoming wedding and my not wanting to look old and frumpy has a lot to do with it!     That's why I liked this article;  reading it was like getting a gentle just-get-over-it slap in the face.  Youth.  No roads back.

More on the Mecca for Old People.....

To continue with a little more detail (referring to previous post about red underwear) about the town of Sugamo: one of the reasons Sugamo became such a mecca for the elderly is the Togenuki Jizo, best described here:  
...the Togenuki Jizo* or Koganji Temple is located along Sugamo main street.  This temple is very well known among locals and out-of-towners as a place that cures the ill.  Devotees gather here daily seeking freedom from their respective aches and pains and suffering; offering prayers to Enmei Ksitigarbha (Togenuki Jizo), who is believed to cure any illness.  Legend has it that a housemaid once swallowed a sewing needle and was cured by eating a paper with a picture of the Jizo on it, the needle atached itself to the paper and she was cured.  Hence visitors to the temple often say their prayers and eat the paper (which can be purchased for a small sum) in order to be cured.  A prominent feature at the temple, however, is the statue of the Arai Kannon (Goddess of Mercy).  It is believed that by bathing the statue and offering prayers, she too will cure aches and pains.    The temple comes to life in Sugamo during the Grand Festival of Togenuki Jizo held each year.

* Togenuki means "pick a thorn out"  "Jizo" in Sanskrit is Ksitigarbha, guardian of children.
Togenuki can also be a word for tweezers; some of the Sugamo shops had decorative tweezers for sale. 


 (http://travel.aol.com/travel-guide/asia/japan/tokyo/togenuki-jizo-koganji-temple-thingstodod

detail-666546/)      

 Just outside the temple is a statue of Kannon, Goddess of Mercy.  Custom has it that you pour water and wash her in the hopes she will bless your ailing body parts... that's a photo of me participating in the washing ritual,  I am paying
particular attention to her legs and feet....
we were exploring Tokyo walking miles and miles...and my body parts were feeling it!

The wooden box is for offerings, the bamboo dippers are for scooping the water, the plastic tray holds the washing cloths.  With a patron saint of pain relief in Sugamo's temple, it was only natural that Sugamo became a destination for the elderly.  Even the street curbs are lower than standard, to help prevent tripping.

Interestingly enough, in the book Shock of Gray (2010) author Ted C. Fishman mentions Sugamo.   A great place to visit if you want to be considered a youngster at age 60....



Shock of Gray--- and the real shock of looking in the mirror...happened to me in earnest about five years ago... 

The Year of the Dragon and Red Underpants

2012 is the new year of the dragon according to the Asian zoological calendar. The 12 animals that correspond to the horoscope calendar are the same in Chinese and Japanese culture.  Those born in the year of the dragon are said to be excitable and powerful...just a few of the many attributes, both positive and negative.  In Asian new year celebrations  the color red also figures as an auspicious color.

In the beginning of this new year of the dragon, a trip to Japan found me visiting the town of Sugamo, on the northern loop of the JR Yamanote line.  WWII history buffs will know Sugamo infamously as the town that housed the prison that housed war criminals: Prime Minister Tojo was incarcerated and hanged here in 1948.  Today, with past history behind it, what was once the prison grounds is now a skyscraper. 
Sugamon, the cute and friendly duck mascot of the town of Sugamo.
This is the Sugamo post office.


Today Sugamo is a destination for the geriatric set.   The Japanese call it the Harajuku for Grandmas....
(Harajuku being the mecca
for Japanese teenyboppers).

Here's a shop dedicated to geriatric health products, vitamins, etc.















Sugamo also is home of the aka pantsu, (literally red pants).   Shops filled with red underwear line the shopping district.  Red, being the auspicious color that it is, is deemed lucky.
One of the famous shops, Maruji sells everything related to undergarments and all in red.
         Victoria's Secret for Granny Panties?

How about these red hot sexy numbers...no thongs for the wrinkled set.

According to Maruji's English translation which explains the power of the red panty:
...below the belly button there is a point known as the Tan-Den.  Even a touch to here may makes your feel warm! (Dantian is the source of the life force Qi, a major concept in TaiChi)   It is hard to explain though, without Qi our lives can't go on!  It is hard for us, ordinary people to get "Tan Den" to be strong and also Qi.  But don't worry.  "Red Panty" does it!  All you have to do is put on it!  ...it is said that the red cloth can warm your body, and fill your energy in Oriental medicine.  Please choose brilliant red one and natural mateial one like silk or cotton.  Notice:  When sleeping, "Red Panty" may cause you excite and make you sleepless.  So put on ordinary color underwear when you sleep. 


Who couldn't use some luck, energy and excitement!?  With Valentine's Day around the corner, it's not difficult to find lots of  red (and underwear).  Upon my return from Sugamo I passed out a few lucky red fabric samples that the shopkeeper in Maruji happily gave me (she was thrilled that products from her store were going to America)  Just the other day one of my yoga/taichi classmates ecstatically shared with us that she had just bought herself some red underwear and the day she wore them she sold a million dollar house.   
Lucky Aka Pantsu!