On Track

Mothers and Sons, on the Same Track (Dominique Browning, NYTimes June 2011)

Last year I came across this article and it has resonated with me ever since.  You can read the full article here:

http://travel.nytimes.com/2011/06/05/travel/dominique-browning-on-a-train-trip-with-her-two-grown-sons.html?pagewanted=all

    Like the author, I also have two sons of similar age; my oldest also named Alex!  When I read this article I was envious of the time Ms. Browning had to spend time with her adult boys.  Wouldn't I love to do that, too.  Then, just  such a chance came my way when my husband and I were given an opportunity at Christmas to fly to Japan to be with our sons (and daughter).  It was one of our most memorable experiences--we felt like we had won the lottery.  In our case, a single train trip wasn't a particular focus;  our train and subway travel was predominantly a means to get somewhere else.  However, the sentiments shared with the newspaper article weren't lost on me.  I relished every minute we had to spend with "the kids."  
 
   Some of Ms. Browning's passages  nailed those sentiments perfectly:  "The entry into adult childhood, with its complex alchemy of separation and attachment, is as fraught a time as the baby end of childhood.  More so, for the parent, anyway.  When he is 5, a child has no choice to be with you.  When he is 25, he is with you only by choice.  As most of us don't want to lose touch with our kids just when they become truly interesting people, we have to figure out how to navigate that perilous, post-adolescent territory.    Do interesting things together.  Do anything together".  and, "they will never be 8 years old again.  Nor do you want them to be.  Not really.  Just a bit."   




Truly  my husband and I relish every chance  to spend time with the kids, as our children become more independent and distant (in both the literal and figurative sense) from their parents.  We do what it takes.  How about the time we drove up and back from Atlanta to Washington, D.C. over a weekend to watch one son play in a lacrosse game (not to mention the actual time we were able to spend with him totaled about an hour).  Now, our oldest son is engaged to be married in a few months, and we find ourselves planning most of his wedding.  (I'll save that for another blog).

 It makes me reflect on the end of Ms.  Browning's article:    "we left that train as a new and different family.  All of us were more grown up somehow in the blink of an eye.   Everything ends too fast.  Childhood is just the beginning."

Gratitude in Spades

Did you ever think about how many people and events touch your life? How about all the good deeds of others that do not seem to be noticed?

Seeing as how I am terrible at New Year's Resolutions - don't care about them and rarely make or keep them, I decided this year to resolve to be more grateful for all that makes up my life. Now, I wake up every day and thank God for my many blessings but I knew there had to be another way to be more mindful of the good things.

So I made a pledge to myself that as many days as I could I would let someone who had touched my life know about it. What fun I have had! I have written about 5 letters or cards a week since New Year's...to young folks getting their Eagle Scout badge, to neighbors who are doing marvellous things in the lives of others, to my first grade teacher, to the lady who kept my children when they were little, to the mother of my deceased best childhood friend, to people I come in contact with through my work, to my children. The responses I have received have been utterly amazing.

People seem shocked that I would write a handwritten letter (how I miss the days of opening my mailbox and finding a letter from someone that I could not wait to open!) and they are so full of their own gratitude that I took the time to notice them or remember them. The positive contacts have been astounding to me and as oftens happens, my small efforts have actually rewarded ME. That was never my intention but the joy others appear to have gotten from hearing what they have brought to MY life is like a boomerang or a ball bouncing back into your lap.

No, you cannot go back but you can keep the chain of all good things that you have been blessed with going forever.