That Little Blue Box

This really did happen shortly after Susan's story about Breakfast at Tiffany's -- I mean Starbucks....uncanny timing....it just took me awhile to post.  I had received an info email (from the many sources I find myself signed up to receive) about a sale on Tiffany's silver polish, with an added bonus of free shipping.    I have a small collection of beloved silver pieces so this was too good to pass up.  I was surprised but delighted when the box arrived in the mail and there was my silver polish in a blue box and all wrapped up with white ribbon!   My mom instilled in me the love of polishing silver....I might have been as young as 8 when she used to give me that job whenever company was coming.  To this day I love the satisfaction of turning tarnish into shine.  Truth be told I even like tarnish on some vintage items too.   I have been the lucky and excited recipient of a little blue box or few in my lifetime so I just had to leave it in the packaging until I really need to use it!    

Breakfast at Tiffany's...or Starbuck's

    On a recent morning, after taking a stressful exam at a testing center, I treated myself to my favorite cup of Starbuck's coffee.  The barista, who must have been all of 18, cheerfully took my order and then said.....DRUM ROLL....... "You look just like Audrey Hepburn!"  Well this day was looking up all of a sudden.  The next words out of her mouth were "Audrey Hepburn was audacious."  Oh my gosh, every time she opens her mouth, I am feeling better about myself.  Not only am I beautiful but I am also audacious!

     Fast forward three minutes - I have my coffee in hand and she stops me on my way out.  "By the way," she cheerily says "Do you know what audacious means?  I am learning to spell it in French but I am not sure what it means in English much less what it means in French."  After explaining to her the meaning of the word which I am pretty sure is the same no matter the language, I also tell her I think she meant to say Audrey was iconic although she was also audacious.

    As a final farewell, I happily say "Well have an audacious day".  I almost made it out that door before she called to me.  "Hey, I am not sure who Audrey Hepburn even was, are you?"

    My bubble burst, I had to laugh and remind myself that THIS is the state of the younger generation (of which no one would mistake me for) and the education system.  I continue to refer to myself as Susan Go Lightly!

Sorry Jo

I went back to check something in a post from last year and discovered that when I first came across the quote which inspired the name of our blog, I automatically assumed that the author of the quote, Jo Nesbo, was female.   I know, big mistake(!)... just take a look at the photos.  In my defense, I  happen to know a Josephine, Joellen, and several women named JoAnne, so I think it was only natural.   Funny thing is that  I vaguely recall reading---probably a book review-- about a crime thriller writer sometimes called the Norwegian Stieg Larsson.   Well, I never got the connection.    Even though Mr. Nesbo (in Norwegian his first name is pronounced like "you") will never read this blog I thought it only appropriate to mention him and show off a picture, well several pictures, of a man who indirectly inspired P.S. Pam and Susan to start blogging...  A man with steel blue eyes who just happens to be easy on the eyes....

This Road Goes WAY Back...

I was delighted to discover in today's newspaper  an article in the Travel section about a not-on-the-tip-of-everyone's-tongue roadway known as the Mohawk Trail.  The trail is actually a portion of Route 2 which runs east - west through western Massachusetts.  You can read the article here:

http://travel.nytimes.com/2012/10/07/travel/driving-the-mohawk-trail-in-massachusetts.html?pagewanted=all

The memories came flooding back to when I was living in Massachusetts in the early stages of high school and this was the route our family would take to visit my grandparents in Schenectady, NY.  Once, several years after I had my driver's license, my girlfriend and I drove over to take my grandmother back to Schenectady.   Memorable because on the way home we were gabbing so much we missed our exit and nearly ended up in Vermont.   It was awhile before I told my parents the real reason we were late getting back...and if my dad with his meticulous habit of calculating gas mileage ever noticed the extra miles we put on the car, he never questioned me. 

How many times did I traverse the Mohawk Trail, with its gorgeous scenery of the Berkshire Mountains, and the lower view of the Cold River with its  lovely bubbling waterfalls and some wonderful smooth rocks...(my source of material when I was in a painting rock stage of craftiness).  
Some highlights of the trail include the Hairpin Turn and the Summit with its gift shop filled with Indian-themed souvenirs, and of course the Indian statue.    I loved it when we took a potty break at the summit and wandered the giftshop with its tchotchkes:  cedar trinket boxes of all sizes stamped with the words "Souvenir of the Mohawk Trail",  miniature blown glass animals, Indian stuff that would today probably be considered politically incorrect like toy tomahawks,  feathered headdress, bows and arrows.   Even before we moved to MA and visited my grandparents in the summer from Ohio, we sometimes visited  the Mohawk Trail before it became our NY-MA destination route. (But only in good weather,  we rarely took the Trail in the winter time).

....Lots of happy childhood memories, when the words Mohawk Trail meant spending time with my grandparents-- either going to their house to visit or bringing them back to our house in Mass.  My grandmother especially enjoyed the scenic drive and a stop in Shelburne Falls to visit the Bridge of Flowers.   I was always amused by the sign Welcome to Florida--according to the article Florida, MA is reputed to be the coldest town in MA.  (Such humor.  I never knew that).   The Mohawk Trail by name alone conjures up the history of the area pre-dating automobiles when the Mohawk Indians ruled the valleys between upstate NY, MA and CT.  The Trail opened in October 1914, almost 100 years ago...back in the day when people got in their automobiles just to tour scenic roadways.  A perfect route for a road trip back in memories.

Being busy and having our hands full...

....it's all relative!  I was waiting in the doctor's office to get a flu shot when a woman came in with a stroller the size of a Smart Car (I am absolutely not kidding).  She had a tiny baby strapped to the front of her body and in the front of the stroller was a young tyke who looked like a young 18 months old (turns out I was right on the money).  The OTHER teeny baby was in the stroller rumble seat.   A toddler and twins! Whew!  I was exhausted just looking at her.  This scene definitely turned heads.  All the women in the waiting room   perked up and we all  smiled, oohed and aahed and offered help.  The mother-with-her-hands-full then proceeded to mention that she had two other kids: an 11-year old and a six- year old.  Whew baby!  You could almost hear the collective thoughts going through our heads..."boy I'm glad that's not me"...  While I was waiting I had been thinking how busy I was going to be and could they hurry up and call my name so I could get on with my day....
This definitely made me pause and reflect (pleasantly) to when I was once a young mom with a five-year old, a two-and-a-half-year old little rough and tumbler and a three-month old baby.  I thought I had it hard then maneuvering out in public a double stroller as long as the Queen Mary.  Busy!  I didn't field phone calls and deal with customers, but was definitely busy keeping everyone content, fed and safe...  It was a happy-kind of busy!

Coming Full Circle in Love

     Despite a childhood full of pets - everything from dogs, cats, ducks and rabbits, along with a pair of turtles I "boiled" to death by mistake while trying to clean them - I have always been known as the person who did not want a dog!  Not ever.  But throw in a couple of children who made a strong case for having one and a sudden moment of weakness in October 2001 and there I was writing a check to the Atlanta Humane Society for $82 and the honor of taking home a cute black one year old dog!  Bailey got her name before we even got home probably because my daughter was so shocked that Mom said yes that she wanted to claim her before I changed my mind.  I noted on the drive home that "This dog will probably be living at our house after the children leave home."  Famous last words...

     In the ensuing 11 years, Bailey became a full fledged member of the family.  She is the sweetest dog - never barked at anyone, did whatever you told her and added joy to our everyday life - if you can discount all the times she chewed through the fence, chewed the outside of the house trying to get in, ate some Christmas gifts under the tree or jumped THROUGH the screened porch screen to get inside during a storm.  Thunder and fireworks were not her thing!  In the beginning it was so bad that we hired a dog psychologist to work with her!  Did not help a bit.

     Despite her idiosyncrasies, our children loved her beyond words.  Their delight made all the other things worth it.  Seeing her in the basement playroom with her nose on the steps, watching her go wild with excitement when they came home from college, seeing her joy when someone got the leash that meant walk time, just always having her greet you when you came home was worth alot more than the $82.  Of course the bill did not include the thousands we later spent to repair a broken pelvis from a run in with a car, thousands more for surgery in 2010 to save her life when she had a tumor, several bouts of vestibular disease and a few awful bites from a copperhead in our yard!

     For the past few months Bailey has struggled with a rear leg that just did not want to work.  No more walks around the block; it was hard to even get up.  But two weeks ago suddenly neither rear leg would work.  The heartbreak of it all.  So we are at the crossroads of being good pet lovers and owners and need to make the decision to let her go.  The "children" who are no longer children are heartbroken, my husband who works from home and spends time with her as his office mate is already lonely and I, who have always seen Bailey as my last link to the time of having children at home can  hardly bear to think of it.  But we owe her one last thing - to make the end as easy as possible.  As my daughter said, "We cannot keep her alive just because WE are too sad to let her go." There was a great beginning and now the end is almost here.  Wish us luck...

Empty Nest Redux

     Is there anything more stressful than teaching a 15 year old how to drive, waiting on SAT scores, looking for college acceptances and kissing the kids goodbye on the steps of their freshman dorm?  Not for me.  But somehow as you look back you realize that we all made it through and in a blink everyone is on to their "adult" lives.

     Apparently the next step in the epilogue of the parenting manual is how to enjoy your children as the adults they now are.  New realities include traveling long distances to see them in their own environments, counting the days until they come home, watching with joy as they obtain jobs or relationships that make them happy, listening more than instructing and worrying from afar when things do not go smoothly while knowing you no longer really have the "power" to fix things for them. That part of your job is done.

     The journey continues in a different manner but what a journey it continues to be!  Just as early childhood brings first lost teeth, the beginning of school, learning to ride a bike, going off to summer camp, the twenties bring their own sweet joys.  This summer we have been on the weddign circuit watching young couples take that next step in their lives (including PS Pam's son) and what fun it has been!  A good reminder that while things we love and enjoy pass, many other wondrous times await us if we open our hearts and minds to them.  When you have loved being a Mom and having children in your home, it is often hard to push on to the next stage.  But like a toddler screaming as you pull them away from Toys 'R Us, if you just relax, it all works out.

   A wise Dad I know recently told me - "When your kids are in their twenties it is no longer your role to say nay.  You must with enthusiasm say Yay about everything while letting them know you are always their umbrella if they need one."

As they say about Life...it goes on.

One week to go!  Pictured above are my wedding planning mantras!  This time next week we should be just about lining up the bridal party for the processional... Well, I am still breathing after one crazy week.  Last weekend we helped Alex and Aya move a couch, table and a bed into their apartment.... plus a few of their lovely wedding gifts.  Alex started orientation classes at Emory on Monday.  About the same time they discovered their apartment unit has a flea infestation.  Are you kidding me?!?!  Poor Aya got the worst of it:  swollen ankles, nasty bites, itching and not sleeping at night.    Wedding details took a backseat to more important issues like dealing with the apartment management,  scheduling fumigation and considering all options.  Alex and Aya moved back to our house (after  first setting off bug bombs and cooking their bags in the trunk of the car before being allowed into the house) Sorry kids but we couldn't risk it.

Meanwhile, a few days ago Mochi the family dog decided to throw up in several places in the house, of course on the carpet.  Really Mochi?  Turns out she attacked some exotic prey (otherwise known as my ostrich feather duster).  Feathers all over my deck.  Why was the feather duster on the deck you ask?  Because all the items in my laundry room were moved so I could maneuver behind my washing machine to try to diagnose why it was leaking.  My twenty-year old washer has chosen this time to start pitching fits.  Water all over the floor....of course with company coming...and Chandler arriving home with all her stuff after a year abroad!

Seems like everybody has a story like this...perhaps just something else to be factored into the hustle,  bustle and general chaos one finds oneself in when the wedding is a week away!  I am looking forward to eating cake and celebrating!!

Wedding in Reverse

          Just two weeks to go.  It was February, a little less than six months ago, when I found myself about to produce a play otherwise known as Alex and Aya's wedding.  You know those wedding planning guidelines with timeframes?  Well,  that got thrown out the window when I, as mother-of-the-groom, took on the role of sole wedding planner.  Due to international logistics and various circumstances this wedding couldn't be planned in the most conventional way.  So I just worked in reverse.
February:  Venues visited and one chosen.  check
                  Bridesmaid dresses ordered on line and mailed to Okinawa.    check
                  Florist confirmed.  check
                  DJ  interviewed.  check

March/April:  Photographer booked.  check
                       Invitations ordered.  check
                       One bridesmaid dress returned from Okinawa to be returned
                       to Lord&Taylor.
                       Guess what? Someone in shipping and handling forgot to remove        
                       the plastic security tag on the dress!
                        And, Lord& Taylor no longer had that particular dress anymore,
                       so had to order it from Nordstrom's.
                     
May:  groom arrives in the US.    check
          groom grinds his teeth anticipating his fiancee's visa to come through.

June:  invitations addressed and sent out.  check
          June 25th:  bride arrives in the US.  (Yay! her permanent visa has been approved)!   
          June 26th:  bride goes shopping for her wedding dress

July:  continued maintenance on the guest list RSVPs...  
          ...wedding gown alterations completed... wedding shoe shopping creates
          a challenge:  the bride wears a size 5 shoe.  Choices are limited.
         At one point we had four different pairs of shoes as she tried to find
         the perfect fit.  Why, you ask, couldn't Aya just get a pair of white shoes
         in Japan in her size before she came over?  Most Japanese weddings
         have rented dresses and shoes
          .....so finding white/dressy-wedding-appropriate shoes in her size is
         as elusive as looking for  Cinderella's glass slipper.

Now, where did that month go....

..... a hundred and eleven things to do every day.  Doesn't matter if I had a year or longer to plan a wedding, now it's down to the party-planning finish line and my things-to-do-must-complete list reproduces overnight.    
I have every wedding vendor's phone number on speed dial.  Next week one bridesmaid returns home after a year in Tokyo.  Five days later the other two bridesmaids arrive from Okinawa just in time to make rehearsal and of course the wedding day!
                                        .... remaining calm....                                                            

On Track

Mothers and Sons, on the Same Track (Dominique Browning, NYTimes June 2011)

Last year I came across this article and it has resonated with me ever since.  You can read the full article here:

http://travel.nytimes.com/2011/06/05/travel/dominique-browning-on-a-train-trip-with-her-two-grown-sons.html?pagewanted=all

    Like the author, I also have two sons of similar age; my oldest also named Alex!  When I read this article I was envious of the time Ms. Browning had to spend time with her adult boys.  Wouldn't I love to do that, too.  Then, just  such a chance came my way when my husband and I were given an opportunity at Christmas to fly to Japan to be with our sons (and daughter).  It was one of our most memorable experiences--we felt like we had won the lottery.  In our case, a single train trip wasn't a particular focus;  our train and subway travel was predominantly a means to get somewhere else.  However, the sentiments shared with the newspaper article weren't lost on me.  I relished every minute we had to spend with "the kids."  
 
   Some of Ms. Browning's passages  nailed those sentiments perfectly:  "The entry into adult childhood, with its complex alchemy of separation and attachment, is as fraught a time as the baby end of childhood.  More so, for the parent, anyway.  When he is 5, a child has no choice to be with you.  When he is 25, he is with you only by choice.  As most of us don't want to lose touch with our kids just when they become truly interesting people, we have to figure out how to navigate that perilous, post-adolescent territory.    Do interesting things together.  Do anything together".  and, "they will never be 8 years old again.  Nor do you want them to be.  Not really.  Just a bit."   




Truly  my husband and I relish every chance  to spend time with the kids, as our children become more independent and distant (in both the literal and figurative sense) from their parents.  We do what it takes.  How about the time we drove up and back from Atlanta to Washington, D.C. over a weekend to watch one son play in a lacrosse game (not to mention the actual time we were able to spend with him totaled about an hour).  Now, our oldest son is engaged to be married in a few months, and we find ourselves planning most of his wedding.  (I'll save that for another blog).

 It makes me reflect on the end of Ms.  Browning's article:    "we left that train as a new and different family.  All of us were more grown up somehow in the blink of an eye.   Everything ends too fast.  Childhood is just the beginning."

Gratitude in Spades

Did you ever think about how many people and events touch your life? How about all the good deeds of others that do not seem to be noticed?

Seeing as how I am terrible at New Year's Resolutions - don't care about them and rarely make or keep them, I decided this year to resolve to be more grateful for all that makes up my life. Now, I wake up every day and thank God for my many blessings but I knew there had to be another way to be more mindful of the good things.

So I made a pledge to myself that as many days as I could I would let someone who had touched my life know about it. What fun I have had! I have written about 5 letters or cards a week since New Year's...to young folks getting their Eagle Scout badge, to neighbors who are doing marvellous things in the lives of others, to my first grade teacher, to the lady who kept my children when they were little, to the mother of my deceased best childhood friend, to people I come in contact with through my work, to my children. The responses I have received have been utterly amazing.

People seem shocked that I would write a handwritten letter (how I miss the days of opening my mailbox and finding a letter from someone that I could not wait to open!) and they are so full of their own gratitude that I took the time to notice them or remember them. The positive contacts have been astounding to me and as oftens happens, my small efforts have actually rewarded ME. That was never my intention but the joy others appear to have gotten from hearing what they have brought to MY life is like a boomerang or a ball bouncing back into your lap.

No, you cannot go back but you can keep the chain of all good things that you have been blessed with going forever.

That Look in the Mirror

I loved this article in the Feb '12 issue of More magazine...
"How to Let Go of Wanting to Look Young" by Emily Listfield, who featured Vivian Diller, Phd., the author of  Face It: What Women Really Feel as Their Looks Change.   I'd like to think that I'm not vain, but I am only human.  
A few choice bits from the article include:   There's an uh-oh moment in every woman's life, whether at the first gray hair or the first fine line, when we realize that the first blush of youth is gone... 
*Why are the most confident women--even those who never cared much about their appearance--thrown when they start to see changes in their looks?  We have an attachment to the image we see in the mirror, and barring illness or major weight fluctuations, that image remains much the same in your twenties and thirties.
     
Who doesn't want to look in the mirror and see Snow White instead of being shocked when the Evil Queen stares back?   It would seem that I'm really hung up about aging.   I want to believe that I'm not.
I confess that my son's upcoming wedding and my not wanting to look old and frumpy has a lot to do with it!     That's why I liked this article;  reading it was like getting a gentle just-get-over-it slap in the face.  Youth.  No roads back.

More on the Mecca for Old People.....

To continue with a little more detail (referring to previous post about red underwear) about the town of Sugamo: one of the reasons Sugamo became such a mecca for the elderly is the Togenuki Jizo, best described here:  
...the Togenuki Jizo* or Koganji Temple is located along Sugamo main street.  This temple is very well known among locals and out-of-towners as a place that cures the ill.  Devotees gather here daily seeking freedom from their respective aches and pains and suffering; offering prayers to Enmei Ksitigarbha (Togenuki Jizo), who is believed to cure any illness.  Legend has it that a housemaid once swallowed a sewing needle and was cured by eating a paper with a picture of the Jizo on it, the needle atached itself to the paper and she was cured.  Hence visitors to the temple often say their prayers and eat the paper (which can be purchased for a small sum) in order to be cured.  A prominent feature at the temple, however, is the statue of the Arai Kannon (Goddess of Mercy).  It is believed that by bathing the statue and offering prayers, she too will cure aches and pains.    The temple comes to life in Sugamo during the Grand Festival of Togenuki Jizo held each year.

* Togenuki means "pick a thorn out"  "Jizo" in Sanskrit is Ksitigarbha, guardian of children.
Togenuki can also be a word for tweezers; some of the Sugamo shops had decorative tweezers for sale. 


 (http://travel.aol.com/travel-guide/asia/japan/tokyo/togenuki-jizo-koganji-temple-thingstodod

detail-666546/)      

 Just outside the temple is a statue of Kannon, Goddess of Mercy.  Custom has it that you pour water and wash her in the hopes she will bless your ailing body parts... that's a photo of me participating in the washing ritual,  I am paying
particular attention to her legs and feet....
we were exploring Tokyo walking miles and miles...and my body parts were feeling it!

The wooden box is for offerings, the bamboo dippers are for scooping the water, the plastic tray holds the washing cloths.  With a patron saint of pain relief in Sugamo's temple, it was only natural that Sugamo became a destination for the elderly.  Even the street curbs are lower than standard, to help prevent tripping.

Interestingly enough, in the book Shock of Gray (2010) author Ted C. Fishman mentions Sugamo.   A great place to visit if you want to be considered a youngster at age 60....



Shock of Gray--- and the real shock of looking in the mirror...happened to me in earnest about five years ago... 

The Year of the Dragon and Red Underpants

2012 is the new year of the dragon according to the Asian zoological calendar. The 12 animals that correspond to the horoscope calendar are the same in Chinese and Japanese culture.  Those born in the year of the dragon are said to be excitable and powerful...just a few of the many attributes, both positive and negative.  In Asian new year celebrations  the color red also figures as an auspicious color.

In the beginning of this new year of the dragon, a trip to Japan found me visiting the town of Sugamo, on the northern loop of the JR Yamanote line.  WWII history buffs will know Sugamo infamously as the town that housed the prison that housed war criminals: Prime Minister Tojo was incarcerated and hanged here in 1948.  Today, with past history behind it, what was once the prison grounds is now a skyscraper. 
Sugamon, the cute and friendly duck mascot of the town of Sugamo.
This is the Sugamo post office.


Today Sugamo is a destination for the geriatric set.   The Japanese call it the Harajuku for Grandmas....
(Harajuku being the mecca
for Japanese teenyboppers).

Here's a shop dedicated to geriatric health products, vitamins, etc.















Sugamo also is home of the aka pantsu, (literally red pants).   Shops filled with red underwear line the shopping district.  Red, being the auspicious color that it is, is deemed lucky.
One of the famous shops, Maruji sells everything related to undergarments and all in red.
         Victoria's Secret for Granny Panties?

How about these red hot sexy numbers...no thongs for the wrinkled set.

According to Maruji's English translation which explains the power of the red panty:
...below the belly button there is a point known as the Tan-Den.  Even a touch to here may makes your feel warm! (Dantian is the source of the life force Qi, a major concept in TaiChi)   It is hard to explain though, without Qi our lives can't go on!  It is hard for us, ordinary people to get "Tan Den" to be strong and also Qi.  But don't worry.  "Red Panty" does it!  All you have to do is put on it!  ...it is said that the red cloth can warm your body, and fill your energy in Oriental medicine.  Please choose brilliant red one and natural mateial one like silk or cotton.  Notice:  When sleeping, "Red Panty" may cause you excite and make you sleepless.  So put on ordinary color underwear when you sleep. 


Who couldn't use some luck, energy and excitement!?  With Valentine's Day around the corner, it's not difficult to find lots of  red (and underwear).  Upon my return from Sugamo I passed out a few lucky red fabric samples that the shopkeeper in Maruji happily gave me (she was thrilled that products from her store were going to America)  Just the other day one of my yoga/taichi classmates ecstatically shared with us that she had just bought herself some red underwear and the day she wore them she sold a million dollar house.   
Lucky Aka Pantsu!